HOT TOPIC TUESDAY: DISTRESSER

Marriage is a lot of work, and sometimes you have to agree to disagree, sometimes you  get over an argument quickly and sometimes it takes a little more time, and at those times its good to do something to get your mind off of things. 

What do you do to distress?

HOT TOPIC TUESDAY: I do again...

Some people renew their vows every year, some renew after milestones.  What do you think about renewing your vows?  Should their be a limit to how much you spend and who you invite?

HOT TOPIC TUESDAY: Fun & Games

We know that after time you have to do things to spice your marriage up, keep things interesting.  So RWOC has intitiated June 9th Family Fun night!!!!!!!

http://rwocfamilybowlnight.eventbrite.com/

Orland Bowl
8601 W. 159th Place
7:30-10:00pm

$25 per person

Includes:  bowling, shoes, pizza buffet and soda

What fun things do you do to spice up your marriage?

MOTIVATIONAL MONDAY: Plug into your Marriage

This Motivational Monday, I would like to motivate you to...

Unplug So You Can Plug Into Your Marriage

by Aaron Anderson in Communication

In the information age it seems there’s no end to devices to help us stay connected. There are all sorts of mp3 players, tablets, laptops, desktops, gaming consoles and other devices that help keep us informed of the latest and greatest in the world and they’re all becoming increasingly more available and more portable.

These devices are great and even help you keep in touch with people who are important to you such as friends, relatives and even your spouse and children. But too often, these devices can actually hinder your relationship with those who are important to you. Below are some tips to help you unplug so you can plug into your most important relationship: your marriage.

Decompress with your spouse . . .

. . . instead of with your device. Oftentimes, people use being plugged in is a way to decompress after a long or challenging day. There’s something relieving about logging in and looking up friends, listening to music or checking out your favorite blogs. But this is a great time to connect with your spouse instead of connecting with your device.
Marriages become strengthened when spouses hear each others’ difficulties (like after having a challenging day) and are able to hear and console each other. This shows each other care and affection and creates love and connection between each other.

So next time you want to put your feet up after a challenging day go sit down by your spouse to put your feet up and tell them all about what made your day so challenging. Spouses are usually a lot more consoling than a screen anyway.

Instead of texting, try calling

Sending texts to your spouse throughout the day is great. It shows your spouse that you’re thinking about them and that you want to keep them included in your day even if they’re not around. But there’s something extra special about calling your spouse instead of sending a text.

Think of it like way back when you were dating and you used to call each other just to say hi and talk. You may not have had a whole lot to talk about (if there were text messages back then, a simple text would have done) but somehow you were always able to make a conversation out of it, anyway.

Even if a simple text message will do, give your spouse a call during their lunch break and see where it goes. You might be surprised how much you’re able to talk about (and how long you’re able to talk about it).

Instead of going online, go out

The simple act of getting out requires that you get out of your home and away from your devices (at least most of them). You don’t have to go anywhere fancy, expensive, or anywhere that costs at all for that matter, but the simple act of getting out means you have to communicate with your spouse in order to make plans, find a sitter, etc.
Even if all you do is go out for a picnic dinner or go to a scenic view and talk this is all time that is wholly devoted to your spouse and is not interrupted by websites, updates, etc. Remember spending money is not the object of going out, the act of spending unadulterated time with your spouse is.

Fundamentally, being plugged in is a solitary exercise. You only need yourself to be able to do it. This means that when you’re plugged in you’re not wholly plugged in with your spouse…even if you are in the same room. There’s something extra that happens in a marriage when a couple sits down and engages with each other during a game of cards or eating ice cream at the dinner table after the kids have gone to bed.
Being plugged in often makes you unavailable and you miss the moments that are occurring around you. Think of it. At the end of the day, you’ll still be able to log in and find out what news headlines or status updates you missed, but you’ll never be able to go back to a moment that you missed with your spouse.

HOT TOPIC TUESDAY: Letting him be a man...

Personally, I think I work a whole lot more than my husband.  I feel that he brings home the bacon, but I make ends meet.  What I mean by that is, not only do I bring in the money that is much needed sometimes, I also am with our son more, I run errands more, and do things around the house that are needed more, as well as I do all the bookkeeping for us and my business, and more!  Some days I am exhausted, but in order to avoid conflict I have to keep the communication going, and sometimes I admit that I can make him feel like he's not doing enough, like he is not the man. 

If you're a woman with many hats, how can you wear the hat of letting hubby be a man at all times? 

HOT TOPIC TUESDAY: What about your love makes you smile?

When in relationships you may see a tree trunk that reminds you of your husband.  You may see a color that reminds you of a certain day.  You may have a crisis situation when you have one moment to grab something special.  What is that one thing you would grab, or that something that reminds you of your love and makes you smile?

MOTIVATIONAL MONDAY: Accept

In marriage their are ups and downs, growth and changes, positive, and not so positive times, but I feel that if we motivate each other to accept those times, accept those changes then we can breeze through them.  Accept your spouse for the person that they are, for the person that they have become, and honor your union...

HOT TOPIC TUESDAY: Do you still date?

I think anyone will tell you that marriage is a lot of hard work.  After being together for some time, its easy to get in the habits of life.  Do you still date your spouse?  If so, how and why is it important in your marriage?  If not, why is it not important in your marriage?

HOT TOPIC TUESDAY: Half of everything!

This New Year there are so many people getting engaged!  Marriage is beautiful and I'm so happy for these newly engaged couples, but also this year their are so many giving up on the marriage fight and getting divorces*!  There's:

Kobe & Vanessa Bryant
Russel Brand & Katy Perry
Deion & Pillar Sanders

Just to name a few.  What do you think about a spouse getting half of everything after only being married for a few months?  What do you think about a spouse getting half of everything after being married for longer than 10 years?  What do you think about a fully able to work ex-husband getting half of everything or alimony?

*RWOC in no way promotes getting divorces.  We are all about fighting back on the attack against marriage, and we encourage positive healthy marriages that work through the hard times.  This topic is for discussion only.

HOT TOPIC TUESDAY: Compromising vs. Confrontation

Marriage is a unity.  Two individual lives, being shared, and becoming one. So as individuals we have interest and dreams that we aspire towards.  How do you convince your spouse to do something that you really want to do, that you feel you have to do, but they just don't want to do it?  For example:  You are a quiet, small town type of person and you really don't like the city, you've tried to make it work, but you just want to move.  Not only cause of your anxieties over city life, but you also feel that the schools will be better if you moved, taxes will be lower if you move, etc., but your spouse still isn't budging.  How do you deal?

HOT TOPIC TUESDAY: Getting in Shape?

There are so many people out there that want to get in shape.  So many different gyms to join, diets to try, and equipment to use, but how do you really put your all into a diet, or excerise routine when your partner doesn't have the motivation to eat right and work out like you do? 

HOT TOPIC TUESDAY: Mistress Friends & Marriage

Unfortunately there are women out there who totally disrespect marriages.  What if one of those women were you best friend.  How do you handle a friend who is a mistress?

HOT TOPIC TUESDAY: My Husband is Boring!

As relationships mature, we change its inevitable!  We all except change differently.  How do you deal with a Spouse that just wants to sit on the couch and watch television, or play video games?

HOT TOPIC TUESDAY: Will & Jada Separated!

Say it ain't so!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I believe its my opinion and a lot of others opinion as well, but Will & Jada Pinkett Smith have been great positive role model for the African-American marriage, and to hear that they are now separated is a kick in the behind, sort of speak. 

It gives me the motivation to fight harder for my marriage, and it makes me angry to think that they are probably about to give up the fight.  It makes me wonder, how are the kids taking this, and it also makes me hope that Little Mr. Marc Anthony has nothing to do with this ;-).

HOT TOPIC TUESDAY: 80/20 rule is it offensive?

If you've seen Tyler Perry's movie, "Why did I get married?" Then I'll assume that you've heard of the 80/20 rule, just in case you haven't, here's the explanation;

This basically means that in marriages, you only gonna get 80% of what you need. Now when things are down in a relationship, you seen this attractive  man/woman that offers you the other 20% you want, that you feel is missing in your life. So then you're faced with a problem, should you leave the 80% which is your current relationship thinking you gonna get something better and you end up with only 20%.

Ok, now that we've explained that, I feel this rule is a good example of showing someone to appreciate what they have, but I also have a problem with it.

How would you feel if your husband feels you're only giving him 80% of what he needs, and you've been giving him 100%?  What if your husband can't explain to you what 20% he's missing, how do you handle that?

HOT TOPIC TUESDAY: Is your husband Supportive/Intersted in what you do?

Confession time!!!!

It really burns me up when my husband doesn't show me that he's interested in things I do!  I know I'm not the only one that is annoyed by this.  I also know that they're some wives that feel that the wife should have her own interest and the same for the husband. 

What do you think?

HOT TOPIC TUESDAY: Do your single friends/family support you marriage?

With the divorce rates so high, and so many people not understanding what the concept of marriage is, not knowing what it feels like, the commitment and the glory of it, they tend to not be positive supporters.  Although marriage can be blissful, it is hard! 

I myself have had occasions when family members and friends don't offer good advice, such as "leave him", or "Girl, you better change him!"  However, it does not work like that.

How do you handle the non-supporters in your life?

HOT TOPIC TUESDAY: How do you Know If You're Compatible?

How well did you really know your Spouse before you got married? Relationships mature and changes happen, do you feel that you are compatible now? There are a lot of questions that should be asked at the beginning of a relationship, that aren't always asked, like:

•What are your religious views?

•What are your political opinions?

•Do you want children?

•Do you believe in marriage, and understand the meaning?

•Do you know how to handle money, and so on?

If you feel that you and your Spouse are a work in progress, how do you work out the differences?

HOT TOPIC TUESDAY: NAGGING!

We've all heard it!  Men don't like nagging women!  "Why you nagging me!" So on, and so on.  I'm guilty of it I admit, but there comes a time in every woman's life when we're tired, it usually starts the silent treatment, more arguing, etc., but I just wanted to share with you all that, NAGGING DOES NOT WORK!  :-)  Criticizing doesn't work, plain talking doesn't always work.  The only thing that works is praying with Gods peace in your heart.

Better to to dwell in the wilderness than with a contentious and angry woman. Proverbs 21:19

Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed. Proverbs 27:5

There is ... a time for every purpose under heaven...a time to keep silence and a time to speak.  Ecclesiastes 3:1,7

Whats your strategy for getting your spouse to do certain things? Are you a nagger?

HOT TOPIC TUESDAY: Pet names and code words

So this Memorial Day, was the greatest Memorial Day I've had in a very long time! Yes, it was great because I was remember the soldiers that aren't here to celebrate with us, and because I was spending this occasion with my family playing Kinect, listening to music, and doing the things that families do, but also because my husband and I created a code word that only him and I understand. We had a blast!

Do you have any pet names or code words that you and your spouse share?